It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
