Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
