can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
