After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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