If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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