i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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