I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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