id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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