I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
