pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
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