Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize