I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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