From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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