So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize