So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
