nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
