god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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