He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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