Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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