hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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