My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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