Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
