why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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