We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
