Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
