I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
