New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
