i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
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He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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