On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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