His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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