i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I am available for nakedness
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
