sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
