i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
