Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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