i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
