I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
