I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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