When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
