At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
