Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish you could order shots online.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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