What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
