Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
