I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
