You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
