The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want a musical about memes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize