Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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