Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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