Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
