My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
