Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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