If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
