you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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