I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize