After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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