if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
