i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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