1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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