She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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